"Before you commit to loving someone, make sure they can love you unconditionally.'
It was typed over a pretty picture on Facebook. You know the ones where sayings are presented beautifully so we all share the concept?
But this statement is seriously flawed. It advices holding love until...until something happens. In other words, your love should be conditional on the other person's love being unconditional!
Do we even understand what unconditional love is? While the term is used a lot, but rarely is real love displayed. Everyone is hungry for it. We look for approval, acceptance, affirmation and call that love. But our need is deeper. We long for a person to relate to. We want to feel secure as we share our history, mistakes and hopes, knowing it won't appear on facebook next week. We crave a person that will walk the road beside us. But will they love us when we're sick and ugly; ill or even dying? What about when they encounter our smelly feet or discover all their chocolate has been eaten?
Unconditional love is deeper than all the above. It lays down its life, puts aside its needs and wants, forgives and forgives again. It loves even when relationships can no longer be reconciled because of abuse. It loves until death.Only one who has experienced love can give such a love. When a person's love tank is full, they have a capacity to continue loving other, regardless.
As a parent my love ran out. I could no longer give anything of myself to my child. Lies and false accusations, rejection and constant demands had bled me dry. I was finished, ready to give up, run away or die. Anything to escape the pain.
Good friends halted my flight. Trapped with no escape, I sought God. I asked Him a simple question. 'What message can I send her?'
Revelation broke through. I was in a busy shopping centre. Did others see it or hear bells? No. As I sat, I suddenly understood that regardless of the abuse and blame I had hurled at God most of my life, He still suffered and died for me. Yes, I'd been taught such things. But that day my heart burst open as I experienced His love poured out for me. He loved me regardless of my behaviour toward Him, my indifference to His love, my rejection of His quiet words. He was still there waiting, offering forgiveness, restoration, a new beginning. Never condoning my stupid behaviour, but never withdrawing His affection for me. In a matter of minutes everything changed. Now I could love my child continually, regardless of behaviour and words spoken.
No longer was I trying to get my love from her. She couldn't supply it. Now my source of love never stops and it overflows to others, bringing healing, acceptance and wholeness. That was twenty years ago. I've tested it. Yes, His love for me (and for you) never runs dry.
Victims of sexual abuse? They are everywhere. How can this be? Why does this disgusting crime continue to escalate in our society and why doesn't God do something about it?
God's plan is for every child to be guarded and protected. His plan to protect children from sexual abuse is the same plan He uses to stop kids drowning in swimming pools, or burning their hand on the stove.
Yes! It is parents. God's plan is that every child be guarded by a family, and that unit is responsible for the safety, protection and training of each little person that is born.
But our children aren't born into a perfect world. Parents fail! And kids suffer, often times at the hands of their own parents. Other times they are left defenceless at the hands of others because, in the darkness, mums and dads don't see the danger.
Darkness! A lack of light! Although this disgusting crime usually takes place under the cover of night, the real camouflage is self-gratification, denial, lies, greed, selfishness. Lets name it for it really is. Evil. Sin.
The same motivators which drive the perpetrator, also hide the evidence from the child's protectors. Denial and ignorance prevent the recognition of signs of abuse. Selfishness and the desire to 'not upset the apple cart' can cause the carer to turn a blind eye. Exposing the sin and bringing it to the light has catastrophic effects. Relationships are lost, loved ones go into the hands of the police. Their security, both, financial and relational are under threat. Sub-consciously a decision is made to pretend it isn't happening and then a child is sentenced to a life of torment.
This decision is often justified by the carers own childhood experiences. 'Well, I survived, so he/she will just have to suck it up and live with it for the sake of the rest of the family'.
The sin, by its very nature, is hidden. It is shrouded by silence. Although, in his own mind,he has justified his actions as being harmless, the perpetrator never speaks of it and he silences his victim. 'This is our special secret! If you ever speak of this it will kill Mrs P'... or 'I will kill you.'
So where is God in this mess?
His heart is so broken, He sent Jesus. Yes, Jesus carried the pain of the victim on the cross. Bloodied, broken, exposed, he hung in public view. We know the soldiers mocked Him and made fun of Him. I'm sure, in that sin-filled, dark, evil environment, He would have been sexually abused amongst everything else He suffered.
God made man with a free will. He will never violate that. So, unable to stop abuse, pain and sin, He instead gave His Son so we can be healed. Whilst hanging on the cross, He illustrated the way to wholeness. 'Father, forgive them. They don't know what they are doing?'
He showed us that it is possible to forgive the unforgivable.
He also is ready to forgive, heal and restore parents who have been negligent. And He is waiting to forgive the perpetrator, remove the veil from his eyes and restore his seared conscience.
I hate sexual abuse! It is a vile, disgusting, painful blot on our society, but God is bigger. He can restore, heal, renew and make whole. In the meantime, His body, the church is called to wrap His arms around every hurting victim and pour the balm of His unconditional love over every hurting soul.
