‘God where were you? How can this happen to my grandchildren? Were you sitting on your hands?’ I paced up and down, taking my frustration out on God.
In 2001 we were blessed with two baby granddaughters. The first, born in March was rushed back to hospital when only six days old with a very high temperature. The hospital did tests including a spinal tap in case it was meningitis. For eight days the doctors treated her with intravenous drugs. Have you ever tried to comfort a tiny baby as they insert needles in those little veins?
It broke my heart, but to our relief she recovered and we bought her home.
I was thankful she was well and felt blessed to have so many healthy grandchildren.
In the October, the second beautiful granddaughter was born. She was about seven weeks old when her mother heard a little noise in the middle of the night and found the baby burning up with fever.
Once again, there was a frantic rush to a hospital, a spinal tap and intravenous drugs. It was then I stormed heaven in my frustration. How could two babies be so ill in one year? What was going on? I let God know how disappointed I was. Where were His angels?
After my outburst I sat in silence, not really expecting a reply.
But His still small voice spoke, a voice that sounded hurt, nearly rejected.
‘But, Jo I saved them both for you!’
I was broken. I had seen two sick babies. God had seen two babies that had been saved from aggressive illnesses. I had seen the suffering. God had seen the healing. I then realised both of these precious girls could have been ‘cot deaths’.
Deeply humbled, I now ask God to show me His perspective before I dare stand in judgement of Him. What arrogance on my part! What incredible grace He extends toward me. No wonder I love my God so much!