Friday, 7 October 2011

Some conversations are painful!

The conversation pierced my heart. Poison tipped arrows seemed to penetrate deep into my flesh. It was only a conversation; no one physically injured me, but the physical pain was intense.
As we chatted, she had asked three simple questions.
‘Are you going Saturday? Are you joining the new group? Are you happy about the new appointment?’ She assumed I knew about all three events, but I didn’t. 
Why didn’t I know? Why wasn’t I invited? Why wasn’t I informed? That’s when the darts entered my heart. My thoughts raced. Rejection began whispering in my ear. ‘They don’t want you. You’ve been ignored.’

Justice added his opinion. ‘After all you’ve done! It’s just not right. You should have been asked about this.’
Low self-esteem grabbed another opportunity. ‘You’re too old! Your day’s over. There are plenty of people better than you.’
Even Revenge and Self-Pity added their ideas. I didn’t recognise any of these voices at the time. All I knew was the intensifying pain in my heart. I escaped to my car, my hand pushed into my chest as though it could ease the hurt. I drove towards home, crying out to God. ‘Help! Why do I hurt?’
I decided to ring someone. I’m a talker and I needed to talk. But as I dialled a number I knew gossip was dangerous.’ I prayed again. ‘God, if you don’t want me to talk, don’t let her answer the phone.’
She answered! But she was too busy to talk. Could I please ring back later? ‘Okay, God. I won’t talk to anyone but you.’
At home, I cried out to my Father. ‘Lord, please help me. Please deal with my offense.’ For about fifteen minutes I sat with my worship music, sitting in the presence of my Father. The voices were silenced. The pain began to recede. Within an hour my equilibrium had returned.
Once out of the battle, sanity prevailed. As I already had a commitment, I couldn’t go on Saturday. The new group was a great innovation. I was pleased to hear about it. And in my spirit I knew about the appointment. He was an obvious person for the job.
I am thankful for the grace of God which had stopped me spewing my pain out of my mouth. What a mess that would have caused!
Offense is a trap of the Devil, designed to cause destruction. I've known that for years but I become careless and dropped my guard. He nearly caught me but I yelled and God grabbed me just before I fell. Hmm...I need to be more watchful in future.

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